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  • Giselle Foss

If you don't love my luteal, you can't have my follicular

If you have been reading my words for a little bit of time now, you know my biggest belief is that we are not the same every week of the month. As our hormones rise and fall, our energy, productivity, and mood change.


You know what is not spoken about nearly enough? OUR NEEDS. If all of these factors change at different points of our cycle, why is our changing needs never considered?


If you bleed, you know that you definitely require a little extra support on your bleeding days, but don't like to be smothered during your follicular phase.


Understanding that our needs shift as our hormones do is a crucial piece to conscious partnership (and a piece that is way too often overlooked).


Being able to pinpoint your needs at each point of your cycle, consciously communicate them to your partner, and be open for compromise may seem super daunting.


I hear you. It can feel so overwhelming to allow yourself to find what your needs actually are BUT it is so so medicinal when you are able to have your needs met.


If you have a partner that you would like to consciously meet your cyclic needs alongside of you, here are some tips on where to start:


1. Keep a Journal. Start by gently journaling each day of the month and write down what would feel good for your partner do to support you that day (i.e. "It felt good when my partner allowed me to have space to work" or "I felt really loved when my partner offered to cook dinner for me") As simple as this seems, you will start to notice the patterns in which your needs shift from phase to phase to phase.


2. Once you have a pretty good idea of what type of support feels good during different days, write down a list of your basic needs for each cycle phase. Maybe your list looks something like: {When I'm bleeding I need extra help keeping our living space clean. When I am in my follicular phase, I want to be acknowledged for all of the hard work I am doing. When I am ovulating, I need extra time of intimacy. When I am in my luteal phase, I need more physical touch and cuddling.} Everyone's list will look different, so find your unique cyclic needs.


3. When you have complete clarity on your list of cyclic needs, present them to your partner lovingly. Maybe start by eye-gazing or holding each other. Express to your partner that different things feel good to you during different times and you want to share these needs with them. Be open to compromise; our partners have needs to be met as well.


4. Start each cycle change with a gentle conversation; "Good morning, today I am moving into my luteal phase. My needs during this time are to have more physical touch. To me, that looks like cuddling on the couch together after work. Is this something that you are able to do this week?" Again, be open to compromising. Maybe set a specific time to come together.


5. Be patient with your partner. Allowing your partner to be part of your cyclic lifestyle is a big deal AND is something that is not taught. Your partner will not be perfect, BUT if they are willing to support you in the cyclic way you deserve, they are worth the struggles.

Allowing my partner to explicitly understand my needs during different phases of my cycle leveled-up my relationship. I wish you and your partner so many blessings.


Love,

G




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